The comedic genius of Ian McNeilly
Posted: 30 Sep 2012, 04:30
Woke up this morning with a slight hangover. I though I'd find out all the happenings of this weekends boxing by logging onto a few sites. When I happened To stumble accross a report of Fridays undercard at the magna centre. Quite frankly nothing in boxing has ever made me laugh quite as much as this.
Batley’s Zahid Kahut (15st 7½lbs) can count himself unfortunate to have been stopped at 3:00 of the third round of his contest with Rotherham’s Karl Bell (14st 4lbs 3oz) – but not as unfortunate as the paying public who were subjected to a contest so agricultural in nature that referee Steve Grey might as well have come dressed as Farmer Giles.
Legal eagle Kahut – once memorably described by commentator Ian Darke as ‘the solicitor without a defence’ - used his training to successfully negotiate a distance of four-threes rather than six-twos. This was a mistake, albeit hardly as glaring as the multitude of basic errors both fighters made in the ring.
He entered the hall to James Brown’s ‘I Feel Good’ then proceeded to spend the next nine minutes making everyone else feel quite the opposite.
Kahut, who has somehow registered five wins in eleven contests, started by pawing out a jab that astonished those who witnessed it; it was so slow, for a longer-than-fleeting moment it was as if we were unknowing extras in boxing’s version of Chariots of Fire.
His punches were thrown so wildly, it looked on several occasions as if he was trying to tap a ringside spectator on the head before the attempted blows set off in the right direction.
Having given you this context, if I tell you that Kahut actually won the opening round, this should offer you some insight into how genuinely low-quality the bout was.
Bell had Dominic Ingle in his corner. If there are any fans out there who believe there is some kind of Wincobank conveyor belt where everyone tries to box in the mould of Herol Graham, Karl Bell is living testament to the falsity of that proposition. The lad did listen to his trainer though, who told him to get closer to the 6’6” Kahut to counter any physical advantage the big man had – though Kahut was doing a good job of nullifying these advantages all by himself.
Referee Grey warned both fighters in the second round, presumably for the level of scrappiness – though it could have been to check he wasn’t the victim of some elaborate practical joke. Boxing suddenly broke out and Bell cracked in a few hooks; he was rugged but better than Kahut, who slipped to the canvas at one point.
The third was quite a wild affair; it was astonishing, given their sizes, how often both missed the target. The pair whaled away. One ringside wag suggested it was like the ‘Thrilla in Manila’ which is akin to comparing Cannon and Ball to Hamlet and Laertes.
Kahut scored with an uppercut, Bell marched forward, mauling. The home town fighter offered pressure without success. Perversely, Kahut decided to help him by dropping his hands - so Bell, presumably not daft, simply punched him in the face, twice.
A right hook from Bell left Kahut even more ungainly than he normally is. Both swung away and Bell connected with another right hook. Kahut was in trouble, sagging on the ropes but given that the bell sounded to end the round, the referee’s decision to wave off the contest seemed a bit harsh. On Kahut that is. Not on anyone else. It seems that referee Steve ‘Fifty Shades of’ Grey is, thankfully, no fan of sado-masochism.
Unabashed and referring to his entrance music, Kahut shouted to the crowd before the verdict was announced, “I still feel good!” Knowing that the contest had ended, those at ringside were now on his wavelength.
Kahut should not allow criticism of this kind to stop him chasing his dreams though. Nor, secretly, would we want him to. The ‘solicitor without a defence’ is already a mini-cult hero amongst Yorkshire’s small hall hardcore and this performance will have done this status no harm at all.
Bell, a fit lad and a trier, moved to 4-1. Kahut is now 5-6.
Batley’s Zahid Kahut (15st 7½lbs) can count himself unfortunate to have been stopped at 3:00 of the third round of his contest with Rotherham’s Karl Bell (14st 4lbs 3oz) – but not as unfortunate as the paying public who were subjected to a contest so agricultural in nature that referee Steve Grey might as well have come dressed as Farmer Giles.
Legal eagle Kahut – once memorably described by commentator Ian Darke as ‘the solicitor without a defence’ - used his training to successfully negotiate a distance of four-threes rather than six-twos. This was a mistake, albeit hardly as glaring as the multitude of basic errors both fighters made in the ring.
He entered the hall to James Brown’s ‘I Feel Good’ then proceeded to spend the next nine minutes making everyone else feel quite the opposite.
Kahut, who has somehow registered five wins in eleven contests, started by pawing out a jab that astonished those who witnessed it; it was so slow, for a longer-than-fleeting moment it was as if we were unknowing extras in boxing’s version of Chariots of Fire.
His punches were thrown so wildly, it looked on several occasions as if he was trying to tap a ringside spectator on the head before the attempted blows set off in the right direction.
Having given you this context, if I tell you that Kahut actually won the opening round, this should offer you some insight into how genuinely low-quality the bout was.
Bell had Dominic Ingle in his corner. If there are any fans out there who believe there is some kind of Wincobank conveyor belt where everyone tries to box in the mould of Herol Graham, Karl Bell is living testament to the falsity of that proposition. The lad did listen to his trainer though, who told him to get closer to the 6’6” Kahut to counter any physical advantage the big man had – though Kahut was doing a good job of nullifying these advantages all by himself.
Referee Grey warned both fighters in the second round, presumably for the level of scrappiness – though it could have been to check he wasn’t the victim of some elaborate practical joke. Boxing suddenly broke out and Bell cracked in a few hooks; he was rugged but better than Kahut, who slipped to the canvas at one point.
The third was quite a wild affair; it was astonishing, given their sizes, how often both missed the target. The pair whaled away. One ringside wag suggested it was like the ‘Thrilla in Manila’ which is akin to comparing Cannon and Ball to Hamlet and Laertes.
Kahut scored with an uppercut, Bell marched forward, mauling. The home town fighter offered pressure without success. Perversely, Kahut decided to help him by dropping his hands - so Bell, presumably not daft, simply punched him in the face, twice.
A right hook from Bell left Kahut even more ungainly than he normally is. Both swung away and Bell connected with another right hook. Kahut was in trouble, sagging on the ropes but given that the bell sounded to end the round, the referee’s decision to wave off the contest seemed a bit harsh. On Kahut that is. Not on anyone else. It seems that referee Steve ‘Fifty Shades of’ Grey is, thankfully, no fan of sado-masochism.
Unabashed and referring to his entrance music, Kahut shouted to the crowd before the verdict was announced, “I still feel good!” Knowing that the contest had ended, those at ringside were now on his wavelength.
Kahut should not allow criticism of this kind to stop him chasing his dreams though. Nor, secretly, would we want him to. The ‘solicitor without a defence’ is already a mini-cult hero amongst Yorkshire’s small hall hardcore and this performance will have done this status no harm at all.
Bell, a fit lad and a trier, moved to 4-1. Kahut is now 5-6.
