Help with a uni assignment

[dewipowell]

I've had to do a digital news package and I've done it on Michael Jennings. He talks about his new gym and plans as a trainer, his comeback and wanting his old British title and there's a brief look back at the Cotto fight.

If you could just have a look and comment so I can convince whoever marks it that it's topical and news worthy then I'd really appreciate it, thanks! It's at : www.jn2053.wordpress.com

[Deserter]

Hi fella, if it's being assessed as a news package you'll have to refine it as it's currently too feature-led and you've got too much of a mix of future and past activity. For example, in terms of the sub-heading, you refer first to 'looking back...', which doesn't hold news value.
In terms of the opening line you're also lacking a news angle as you've simply got a description of Jennings as 'honest and genuine'. Instead you'd want to say something such as: "Leading UK boxer Michael Jennings has exclusively revealed he will be returning to the ring in 2012 in a final bid for world title glory."
Unfortunately haven't got the time to go through it in detail, but in terms of the intro you should also note it's "ground" rather than "grinded" in that context.
Hope this helps

[el_grande_mauro_mina]

Hi fella, if it's being assessed as a news package you'll have to refine it as it's currently too feature-led and you've got too much of a mix of future and past activity. For example, in terms of the sub-heading, you refer first to 'looking back...', which doesn't hold news value.
In terms of the opening line you're also lacking a news angle as you've simply got a description of Jennings as 'honest and genuine'. Instead you'd want to say something such as: "Leading UK boxer Michael Jennings has exclusively revealed he will be returning to the ring in 2012 in a final bid for world title glory."
Unfortunately haven't got the time to go through it in detail, but in terms of the intro you should also note it's "ground" rather than "grinded" in that context.
Hope this helps

Nice! And from an award winning news team so good solid advice there Dewi!

[dewipowell]

Hi fella, if it's being assessed as a news package you'll have to refine it as it's currently too feature-led and you've got too much of a mix of future and past activity. For example, in terms of the sub-heading, you refer first to 'looking back...', which doesn't hold news value.
In terms of the opening line you're also lacking a news angle as you've simply got a description of Jennings as 'honest and genuine'. Instead you'd want to say something such as: "Leading UK boxer Michael Jennings has exclusively revealed he will be returning to the ring in 2012 in a final bid for world title glory."
Unfortunately haven't got the time to go through it in detail, but in terms of the intro you should also note it's "ground" rather than "grinded" in that context.
Hope this helps

Points taken, thank-you mate!

[dewipowell]

Hi fella, if it's being assessed as a news package you'll have to refine it as it's currently too feature-led and you've got too much of a mix of future and past activity. For example, in terms of the sub-heading, you refer first to 'looking back...', which doesn't hold news value.
In terms of the opening line you're also lacking a news angle as you've simply got a description of Jennings as 'honest and genuine'. Instead you'd want to say something such as: "Leading UK boxer Michael Jennings has exclusively revealed he will be returning to the ring in 2012 in a final bid for world title glory."
Unfortunately haven't got the time to go through it in detail, but in terms of the intro you should also note it's "ground" rather than "grinded" in that context.
Hope this helps

Constructive criticism at it's best. Good post, mate. Dewi, take the above as it's intended.

x2. It's better than I get from my lecturers and I'm paying them! So I think I owe Deserter a pint :)

[Deserter]

Hi fella, if it's being assessed as a news package you'll have to refine it as it's currently too feature-led and you've got too much of a mix of future and past activity. For example, in terms of the sub-heading, you refer first to 'looking back...', which doesn't hold news value.
In terms of the opening line you're also lacking a news angle as you've simply got a description of Jennings as 'honest and genuine'. Instead you'd want to say something such as: "Leading UK boxer Michael Jennings has exclusively revealed he will be returning to the ring in 2012 in a final bid for world title glory."
Unfortunately haven't got the time to go through it in detail, but in terms of the intro you should also note it's "ground" rather than "grinded" in that context.
Hope this helps

Constructive criticism at it's best. Good post, mate. Dewi, take the above as it's intended.

x2. It's better than I get from my lecturers and I'm paying them! So I think I owe Deserter a pint :)

No worries. More than happy to help as i think what you're doing is great - we've all been there and I'm a massive believer in supporting people who have the right attitude and enthusiasm. I can get a bit pressed for time because of work, but if you ever need help feel free to PM me and I'll do my best

[Wrists]

Dont listen to Deserter - he's good at the criticism!!

lol

[Deserter]

Dont listen to Deserter - he's good at the criticism!!

lol