Beating your son good or bad?

[foxdog1923]

I am a proud Samoan man that was raised on christian values. As a youngster I was disciplined physically for doing wrong or annoying my parents at the time.

My beatings were at times extreme in that they would leave me bruised, injured or with nanoconcussions, sometimes all of them. The length of some beatings would seem to last 5 minutes which to an MMA fighter is nothing but for a boy that was not to retaliate, a hell on earth experience.

Do not misunderstand parents. Brutal as they were, they were the most loving parents I can assure you. Samoans beating there kids is normal and is encouraged to the point where its tradition.

Anyway, I now find myself beating my son. Without even realising how wicked my actions are, I slap him fairly hard on his legs. Ive slapped his face once and that too was hard. My son has just turned 2 on January.

Instantly after each episode, I reflect and I am full of guilt. Remorse kicks in and I feel rotten. There is no real silver lining but I wonder, is this toughening him up as they say?

Through my life I have noticed that I am quite durable. I have never broken a bone. Plenty of sprains and strains etc but never had a major injury. Fallen of a tree, been in a car crash, played League for 14 years, boxed etc..I have put my body on the line many times and the worst injury Ive had was a 1 month grade 1 ankle sprain. I credit this to my beatings as a youngster.

My question is, would beatings be the best conditioning to toughen up my son whom I plan to box later in life?

[palooka]

Your son is very young and very little, you shouldn't be disciplining him physically and its doubtful he knows what he's been slapped for and you've got to stop it before you hurt him.

I'm not sure if slapping and beating your son will toughen him up but it will make him fearful of you and resentful and when he's older he may well watch how you conduct your life and see that you were/are hypocritical and a bully. There are other ways to teach your son right from wrong - when he's old enough to understand and those involve spending time with your son and talking to him like he's someone you love and respect.

Though you'd like him to box there are other ways of developing his physical capabilities and confidence if he isn't suited to confrontation. How you speak to your son and how you explain the world to him can help him big time and it doesn't have to be very difficult.

I know some people who were badly treated by their parents growing up and some of them are outwarldy fine and well adjusted, some of the others are very callous and became bullies themselves. Hitting and scaring someone into doing as you want is a bad thing and to do it to someone you should love more than yourself is a terrible thing.

Best of luck

[foxdog1923]

Thanks palooka.

Believe me I agree with your sane advice and fully understand what you say as the likely consequence. However I have heard this to be the best way to toughen boys up.

I guess I am simply looking to hear from those who support this.

Thanks again.

[palooka]

foxdog

I think a good way of toughening your son up is to keep in decent shape yourself and let your son be around you when you do. He'll see that being in good physical condition is a good thing and that it is difficult. If you've developed a good relationship you can explain to him that learning to handle himself and being able to protect himself is a good thing that takes effort. If he sees you making the same efforts he will see you're not a hypocrite and that you're not wanting him to do what you can't do.

Learning to cope with physical confrontation is frightening and overwhelming, it'll take time and effort and slapping him and shouting at him wil make it even harder. You've got to reflect on why you want your son to be physically hard and whether slapping him is conducive to him having a happy and enjoyable life.

There are some posters on the British and Irish forum who have boxed to a very high standard and if you asked the question on there you'd get some advice from people who have been there and it.

[Mimmy]

My dad beat me as a kid, used to hit us with slippers, sticks and his hands. Not saying he beat us up or anything or what seems to the extreme that you are doing.

I dont miss my dad, he died 7 years ago.

Take note what ive just said there.

[Tomasino]

Thanks palooka.

Believe me I agree with your sane advice and fully understand what you say as the likely consequence. However I have heard this to be the best way to toughen boys up.

I guess I am simply looking to hear from those who support this.

Thanks again.

Palookas advice is excellent as usual. I'd add that striking your child at 2 years old sounds very cruel and misguided...what is it he does that makes you feel like striking him? You've described yourself as a tough, physically strong man...does the 2 year old really deserve your violence?

[foxdog1923]

Palookas advice is excellent as usual. I'd add that striking your child at 2 years old sounds very cruel and misguided...what is it he does that makes you feel like striking him? You've described yourself as a tough, physically strong man...does the 2 year old really deserve your violence?

He does things that normally 2 year olds do wrong. He is innocent as a 2 year old doesnt know any better but through my beatings Ive striked fear in him and now he knows not to do that again. He jumps on the couch often too close to the edge, refuses to go sleep when hes suppose to, thats pretty much the trouble he gets into but like I said before, he doesnt do that anymore.

I am a strong man and I am also very durable. The only part of me thats not so tough is my jawline which I found out the way hard way was quite glassy. I dont beat him with everything I have but the slaps are plentiful, stingy and loud.

I will ease up a bit but I do believe as primal as it sounds that this is a good way to toughen up your son. No contact to the head, although I have slapped him once. Just all slaps to the legs and torso (becareful of the torso). The pain experienced at a young age should increase his pain threshold.

[gilgamesh]

He's still too young for this kinda punishment for now, but as he gets a little older and more developed physical. I might go the route that Andre Berto's father took to disciplining his sons. They'd screw up, he'd have 'em do Pushups or Squats or something....like an INSANE amount of them. In the hundreds. That'll surely toughen up the kid, and build him up too.

I doubt a 2 year old could do that kinda stuff, but it won't be long before he'd be capable of doing something of the sort.

[palooka]

Palookas advice is excellent as usual. I'd add that striking your child at 2 years old sounds very cruel and misguided...what is it he does that makes you feel like striking him? You've described yourself as a tough, physically strong man...does the 2 year old really deserve your violence?

He does things that normally 2 year olds do wrong. He is innocent as a 2 year old doesnt know any better but through my beatings Ive striked fear in him and now he knows not to do that again. He jumps on the couch often too close to the edge, refuses to go sleep when hes suppose to, thats pretty much the trouble he gets into but like I said before, he doesnt do that anymore.

I am a strong man and I am also very durable. The only part of me thats not so tough is my jawline which I found out the way hard way was quite glassy. I dont beat him with everything I have but the slaps are plentiful, stingy and loud.

I will ease up a bit but I do believe as primal as it sounds that this is a good way to toughen up your son. No contact to the head, although I have slapped him once. Just all slaps to the legs and torso (becareful of the torso). The pain experienced at a young age should increase his pain threshold.

Foxdog, if you lived in the UK your son would be taken from your care. You cannot slap a baby about, if you can't cope with your sons behaviour you need to get yourself out of the room and calm yourself down. It wouldn't take much to badly damage your son. I didn't dare hold my son until he was 2 years old because I've got big hands and I was afraid of hurting him, the thought of me slapping him is just astonishing. Honestly, some people are not cut out to be around babies and little kids, if your son is winding you up leave him with your wife and go training. This could all end very badly.

[punchoutsb]

There's a lot of sides to this, but one thing is absolute: two years old is far too young to be given any sort of physical punishment.

I'm going to stereotype you a bit and say being an ex-rugby playing Samoan, you are probably a pretty big guy. Even a "soft" slap could do irreparable damage to a young childs brain. There is never a reason, not one, to strike a child in the head. The bigger and stronger you are, the more truthful this becomes.

Now I totally get you wanting your child to be tough. And yes, beatings at home could accomplish this, but at a TERRIBLE cost. Dishing out pushups or squats as punishment can help with conditioning, but it won't make a child tough. There needs to be physical contact to build the kind of toughness your after, but it cannot come from you. You need to put your child into boxing, wrestling, whatever when they reach the appropriate age. I personally feel seven or eight is about the youngest a kid should be, and a lot of people would disagree with that. Just my opinion.

I can tell you really love your son, but please don't let your hopes for his future misguide you. I'm not against proper physical punishment, but anything that causes concussions, bruising, bleeding, or anything like that is way too much. And at two a child should not receive any physical punishment at all.

You will also find that loving your son will drive him to succeed far more than beating him will. My dad was raised in a family where he would get knocked around constantly. His sister was sent to hospital once after being bashed on the head with a broom. My dad was tough, but he never wanted to test himself. He went into a shell for years. Now fast forward to me; my dad would hit me when I deserved it, but was never excessive. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he loved me and was in my corner. Part of my drive for success was because I wanted him to be able to enjoy some success too since it eluded him his whole life. I parlayed that into successful boxing, mma, and now powerlifting and strongman careers. Even now I think of my dad before I lift and it gives me a boost. Be your sons best friend and he will make you proud.

[foxdog1923]

No arguement here. I understand what yous are saying and I like I said I do feel heartless and cruel.

Because I was beaten at a young age and came out tough, I thought I should raise my son the same.

Ive honestly decided to stop. Here in NZ it is illegal, in Samoa its not. So its a big thing for me to put this out there to you guys. Just something I wanted to talk about and see if there were others out there.

With all the knocks to the head that Ive taken I think Ive misconceived phrases like "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" or "practice makes perfect".

[palooka]

The main thing and the good thing is that you've stopped and you've been man enough to think about things and alter it.

You can help your son grow up tough and have a winning outlook without being cruel or harsh and the great tnin g is he'll thank you for it and not fear you or hate you.

Best of luck foxdog

[palooka]

There's a lot of sides to this, but one thing is absolute: two years old is far too young to be given any sort of physical punishment.

I'm going to stereotype you a bit and say being an ex-rugby playing Samoan, you are probably a pretty big guy. Even a "soft" slap could do irreparable damage to a young childs brain. There is never a reason, not one, to strike a child in the head. The bigger and stronger you are, the more truthful this becomes.

Now I totally get you wanting your child to be tough. And yes, beatings at home could accomplish this, but at a TERRIBLE cost. Dishing out pushups or squats as punishment can help with conditioning, but it won't make a child tough. There needs to be physical contact to build the kind of toughness your after, but it cannot come from you. You need to put your child into boxing, wrestling, whatever when they reach the appropriate age. I personally feel seven or eight is about the youngest a kid should be, and a lot of people would disagree with that. Just my opinion.

I can tell you really love your son, but please don't let your hopes for his future misguide you. I'm not against proper physical punishment, but anything that causes concussions, bruising, bleeding, or anything like that is way too much. And at two a child should receive any physical punishment at all.

You will also find that loving your son will drive him to succeed far more than beating him will. My dad was raised in a family where he would get knocked around constantly. His sister was sent to hospital once after being bashed on the head with a broom. My dad was tough, but he never wanted to test himself. He went into a shell for years. Now fast forward to me; my dad would hit me when I deserved it, but was never excessive. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he loved me and was in my corner. Part of my drive for success was because I wanted him to be able to enjoy some success too since it eluded him his whole life. I parlayed that into successful boxing, mma, and now powerlifting and strongman careers. Even now I think of my dad before I lift and it gives me a boost. Be your sons best friend and he will make you proud.

[Tomasino]

No arguement here. I understand what yous are saying and I like I said I do feel heartless and cruel.

Because I was beaten at a young age and came out tough, I thought I should raise my son the same.

Ive honestly decided to stop. Here in NZ it is illegal, in Samoa its not. So its a big thing for me to put this out there to you guys. Just something I wanted to talk about and see if there were others out there.

With all the knocks to the head that Ive taken I think Ive misconceived phrases like "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" or "practice makes perfect".

I got it rough when I was young...the outcome? I hammered my mum when I was 12 and didn't see or speak to her again till I turned her life support off when I was 26. I obviously wish that wasn't reality but it is. I wasn't able to beat my dad till my late 20s by that time I wasn't interested...but he was and still is!

I'm really happy you've posted on here though Fox as youvee had some excellent advice from a couple of the forums best posters (obviously not me ) and it's made sense to you.

[Counter-puncher]

Palooka

[banjo]

I don't think beatings toughen you up at all, or discipline you, I got battered all the time as a kid because I was a little horror, it took the army to toughen and discipline me.

To be honest there's a few question marks regarding the latter but I'm not like I used to be.

[samwbr]

No arguement here. I understand what yous are saying and I like I said I do feel heartless and cruel.

Because I was beaten at a young age and came out tough, I thought I should raise my son the same.

Ive honestly decided to stop. Here in NZ it is illegal, in Samoa its not. So its a big thing for me to put this out there to you guys. Just something I wanted to talk about and see if there were others out there.

With all the knocks to the head that Ive taken I think Ive misconceived phrases like "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" or "practice makes perfect".

Fair play to you for admitting it but the sooner you stop the better for both you. I wouldn't treat a dog the way you have described treating your baby son.

[Ricky_]

Let me get this straight, you slapped your 2 year old baby in the face? There is something mentally wrong with you if that's the case.

My father beat me a handful of times growing up, and it wasn't any kind of controlled discipline, it was an action born out of temper. I used to get in fights with other kids my own age, won some, lost some, but with my father it was different because you can feel the extreme difference in strength when your a child taking a hook from a kid your own age vs the back of an adults hand. We still got on OK but when things were bad I resented the guy and had daydreams of kicking his ass when i got older. I got 14 and thought i could take him... i was wrong, luckily my Mother split it up before i properly got my ass handed to me but it's tough to come back from that. Thankfully now we actually have a good relationship, he's an old man now, and we enjoy each others company, but it took time for me to really mature out of "that pudendum is getting a beating when I'm older".

I don't have children of my own, I imagine i may in the not too distant future, but i'm a patient guy with a very good temper, and a pretty deep strategical thinker, i think raising a child can be executed without ever having to use physical punishment, and if you need to beat on a child then you're probably doing something wrong. I also can;t imagine breeding a resentment within a child to the point they envision themselves whupping my ass when we both get older.

[el_grande_mauro_mina]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned on here is that your boy might want to take a different path to being a fighter.

He might want to act, sing, do ballet, be an artist, enter academia.

I am not going to condemn you in regards your ways of discipline, you know there are better ways (or else you wouldn't be talking about it, right?) of discipling your little lad, but a lot of it is cultural but you know - I am sure in Australia and New Zealand, it is very similar to the UK where they would see it as child abuse. I used to read about David Tua's upbringing, where his dad was the local grocer, would give out free bread to any man who could beat his son up in sparring. That's brutal but that must be the way it is over there in Samoa.

As for myself, I was heavily disciplined as a kid, it was hard, but it ended up with us four kids being able to leave a council estate to go on and live a life. My sisters didn't fall pregnant at 16 and my brother and I didn't fall to drugs and crime, it happened to a lot of people though.

There isn't anything wrong with discipline, but I think you need to let go and let your son enjoy his childhood and partake in the things he enjoys, it might not be boxing. It might be something completely different, and you need to be OK with his choices if you want him to be happy, but you sound like a fellow with a good heart, so I wish you good luck with it all and all the best.

[foxdog1923]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned on here is that your boy might want to take a different path to being a fighter.

He might want to act, sing, do ballet, be an artist, enter academia.

I am not going to condemn you in regards your ways of discipline, you know there are better ways (or else you wouldn't be talking about it, right?) of discipling your little lad, but a lot of it is cultural but you know - I am sure in Australia and New Zealand, it is very similar to the UK where they would see it as child abuse. I used to read about David Tua's upbringing, where his dad was the local grocer, would give out free bread to any man who could beat his son up in sparring. That's brutal but that must be the way it is over there in Samoa.

As for myself, I was heavily disciplined as a kid, it was hard, but it ended up with us four kids being able to leave a council estate to go on and live a life. My sisters didn't fall pregnant at 16 and my brother and I didn't fall to drugs and crime, it happened to a lot of people though.

There isn't anything wrong with discipline, but I think you need to let go and let your son enjoy his childhood and partake in the things he enjoys, it might not be boxing. It might be something completely different, and you need to be OK with his choices if you want him to be happy, but you sound like a fellow with a good heart, so I wish you good luck with it all and all the best.

You totally understand. Yes Ive considered he might not want to be a boxer once he grows up but I will continue to force it upon him till he reaches his teens. He has 2 older sisters whom Ive only spanked on the hands with the wooden spoon (one broke) and leather belt, my daughters are well behaved. My son will be raised to look after his sisters.

Yeah Im actually the only one coming out of the crowd of 10,000. There are MANY other Samoan parents that raise Samoan male boys in this way. Like I said, its almost tradition in Samoa. Samoan boys raised in Samoan discipline are no stranger to danger. Lot of Samoans keep this under wraps because they fear they would get hated on from others. This is forum so I dont care but what I am doing is letting people know that it does happen and I dont think its restricted to Samoans only.

Yep David Tua was sparring fully grown men at a young age. Ive heard stories about the age of young David at the time sparring these men but you'd have to ask David. Davids early experience is just another example, its unique though that it happened to a power puncher.

[Rexob]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned on here is that your boy might want to take a different path to being a fighter.

He might want to act, sing, do ballet, be an artist, enter academia.

I am not going to condemn you in regards your ways of discipline, you know there are better ways (or else you wouldn't be talking about it, right?) of discipling your little lad, but a lot of it is cultural but you know - I am sure in Australia and New Zealand, it is very similar to the UK where they would see it as child abuse. I used to read about David Tua's upbringing, where his dad was the local grocer, would give out free bread to any man who could beat his son up in sparring. That's brutal but that must be the way it is over there in Samoa.

As for myself, I was heavily disciplined as a kid, it was hard, but it ended up with us four kids being able to leave a council estate to go on and live a life. My sisters didn't fall pregnant at 16 and my brother and I didn't fall to drugs and crime, it happened to a lot of people though.

There isn't anything wrong with discipline, but I think you need to let go and let your son enjoy his childhood and partake in the things he enjoys, it might not be boxing. It might be something completely different, and you need to be OK with his choices if you want him to be happy, but you sound like a fellow with a good heart, so I wish you good luck with it all and all the best.

You totally understand. Yes Ive considered he might not want to be a boxer once he grows up but I will continue to force it upon him till he reaches his teens. He has 2 older sisters whom Ive only spanked on the hands with the wooden spoon (one broke) and leather belt, my daughters are well behaved. My son will be raised to look after his sisters.

Yeah Im actually the only one coming out of the crowd of 10,000. There are MANY other Samoan parents that raise Samoan male boys in this way. Like I said, its almost tradition in Samoa. Samoan boys raised in Samoan discipline are no stranger to danger. Lot of Samoans keep this under wraps because they fear they would get hated on from others. This is forum so I dont care but what I am doing is letting people know that it does happen and I dont think its restricted to Samoans only.

Yep David Tua was sparring fully grown men at a young age. Ive heard stories about the age of young David at the time sparring these men but you'd have to ask David. Davids early experience is just another example, its unique though that it happened to a power puncher.

Unbelievable!

[el_grande_mauro_mina]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned on here is that your boy might want to take a different path to being a fighter.

He might want to act, sing, do ballet, be an artist, enter academia.

I am not going to condemn you in regards your ways of discipline, you know there are better ways (or else you wouldn't be talking about it, right?) of discipling your little lad, but a lot of it is cultural but you know - I am sure in Australia and New Zealand, it is very similar to the UK where they would see it as child abuse. I used to read about David Tua's upbringing, where his dad was the local grocer, would give out free bread to any man who could beat his son up in sparring. That's brutal but that must be the way it is over there in Samoa.

As for myself, I was heavily disciplined as a kid, it was hard, but it ended up with us four kids being able to leave a council estate to go on and live a life. My sisters didn't fall pregnant at 16 and my brother and I didn't fall to drugs and crime, it happened to a lot of people though.

There isn't anything wrong with discipline, but I think you need to let go and let your son enjoy his childhood and partake in the things he enjoys, it might not be boxing. It might be something completely different, and you need to be OK with his choices if you want him to be happy, but you sound like a fellow with a good heart, so I wish you good luck with it all and all the best.

You totally understand. Yes Ive considered he might not want to be a boxer once he grows up but I will continue to force it upon him till he reaches his teens. He has 2 older sisters whom Ive only spanked on the hands with the wooden spoon (one broke) and leather belt, my daughters are well behaved. My son will be raised to look after his sisters.

Yeah Im actually the only one coming out of the crowd of 10,000. There are MANY other Samoan parents that raise Samoan male boys in this way. Like I said, its almost tradition in Samoa. Samoan boys raised in Samoan discipline are no stranger to danger. Lot of Samoans keep this under wraps because they fear they would get hated on from others. This is forum so I dont care but what I am doing is letting people know that it does happen and I dont think its restricted to Samoans only.

Yep David Tua was sparring fully grown men at a young age. Ive heard stories about the age of young David at the time sparring these men but you'd have to ask David. Davids early experience is just another example, its unique though that it happened to a power puncher.

Unbelievable!

Though I don't agree with Foxdog's methods, you have to keep a tighter reign on your daughters than your sons, or else they will be fornicating everything that moves by the time they are 14.

[banjo]

I imagine boys will be getting killed when my daughters hit their teens.

[jamiec]

This thread

[ElJefe]

You can't slap a 2 year old you fornicating idiot. Should be ashamed of yourself.

EDIT - Read some more of the posts in this thread. You shouldn't be allowed children if you hit them, beat them, "spank" them (weirdo) or anything else. Also, there is literally no correlation between children being "disciplined" to "toughen them up" and how they get on in later life. I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that children that have been abused by their parents tend to be worse off in later life (both mentally and otherwise), who'd have thought it? I'd love to see you try to defend your actions of slapping a 2 year old to any decent social services as "trying to toughen him up." You absolute moron

EDIT 2 - I've seen that you've said you have stopped. I'm pleased for your child.