Trump Enterprises releases statement on new venture
Mr Trump: I guess you're all wondering why I've asked you here today. After a long fight with Crooked Hilary during the US election, I've remembered what a great fighter I am, I really am a great fighter probably the best ever and the only move that makes sense from here is to get into the great sport of boxing. Getting into boxing hasn't been easy for me, I started out with a small loan of $100m from my farther and through time have been able to sign 3 fighters. 3 great fighters, All great Americans just like me though not as rich or as great or as white. I am proud, well I'm always proud especially of my daughter Ivanka; she's a beautiful woman, probably smart as well but that's not important. Ya know the thing about Ivanka is *one of the men in the back leans over to Mr Trump and whispers something in his ear* Ah yes of course. 3 great American who are destined to make Boxing great again and as an extension of that America great again, It wasn't so long ago that America was the powerhouse of international boxing. Nearly every champion was American, every great champion in the world was American. But since Obama the number of American champions has fallen. The Russians fighters have been far more successful than they were and the American fighters less so during Obamas presidency. Obama created the Russian boxing program that has spread through Easter Europe and is slowly taking away the fear that all other countries boxers had of *same man leans over and whispers something to Mr Trump*
Of course 3 great American fighters wearing American made Trump boxing apparel, the fighters who will make Americas boxing great again, Marcel Cerdan, Sam Langford and Ray Leonard. I went about to find the best boxers America had to offer and I found them.
Media director: At this time Mr Trump will take questions from the floor
Reporter 1: Mr Trump you say these are great American fighters and the best America has to offer but neither Cerdan or Langford aren't American can you explain to me why you chose these non American fighters to represent America or even why you called them great Americans?
Mr Trump: I never said all my fighters were American, you can check the tapes and you won't be able to find it because I never said it. Hilary said that I said it while she was deleting emails illegally but I certainly did not say it. The mainstream media and Crooked Hilary just make up things that I haven't said. I certainly never said that my 3 fighters were great American fighters.
Reporter 2: Mr Trump with no boxing experience how do you expect to prosper in the boxing world?
Mr Trump: Ya know that's a good question. My grandson loves boxing, he's only 10 years old but already he's great with boxing. He gets on the computer and he goes into his boxing manager game. He's so skilled at it, he uses create a card, start fight, edit, save, biography, he uses all those features at just 10 years old. He knows great fighters like Muhammad Ali, what 10 year old has ever known Muhammad Ali. That's why I'm going to succeed in the boxing world.
Reporter 3: Mr Trump how will you find the time to promote and manage your fighters when you're so busy.
Mr Trump: well of course I knew it was going to be difficult, the first thing I did as leader of the company was hire a manager for our boxing division. Just more proof that I am in fact a great leader like I've always said I was. I've been a leader for a long time. In the late 60s I started leading my company through a range of decisions that in the end have made me the best businessman and leader in the world. The most important thing that having a great promotion and stable like mine is, is that we can stop the Mexicans coming over and stealing our fighters jobs. Not only am I building a real wall that they can't get over on the border but I'm building a metaphorical wall to stop them getting in to steal our fighters jobs by having great fighters here in America under a great trump promotion. We can have no more immigration for boxers, we can refuse them in the country on the basis that we have enough great fighters he now we can stop them coming in so they can't steal for our championships, so they can't rape our women or deal drugs to our kids.
*reporters erupt trying to be heard over one another, cameras flash continually*
Mr Trump: any further questions can be directed to the manager but not the leader, I'm the leader that's me the leader. The manager my boxing division Mr P4p
Mr P4P with his head in his hands: Oh for fornicate sake why did I take this job.
*points to reporter* you