If You Don't Believe In Heaven You'll Go Through Hell At Four In The Morning
Whitey was my best pal. His real name was Walter,but his big brother used to call him" Watty"Well everyone else didn't pick up on the double "t's" in Watty so they called him Whitey. I called him Whitey and even after awhile his big brother called him Whitey.He was a couple of years ahead of me in school,but he hated book learning They put him in all the remedial classes..The rooms were in the basement. It's like they wanted to hide those kids from the rest of the student body. The remedial kids weren't popular. They didn't go to dances or play any sports.They didn't run for any school office.They knew they wouldn't win,and besides most of them didn't have high enough grades to qualify. Whitey told me that he was going to take Music Appreciation class because he liked music,but the teacher kicked him out. Whitey told me that the teacher had these flash cards with pictures of all the instruments on them. Well,the teacher held up a picture of an instrument(it was a French horn)and asked Whitey if he knew its name. Whitey said that it was a tuba and the teacher began laughing. Well Whitey was Italian and he was usually a real mild mannered guy,but if you slighted his intelligence his dago temper would take over. He called the out the pedagogue.
"Hell I didn't know what it was.That's why I'm taking the class you a-- hole."
That was Whitey's last experience learning about musical instruments. In fact Whitey didn't see much purpose in most of the subjects.Learning about the principle products of New Hampshire and who won the Franco Prussian War didn't fit into Whitey's motivation to make a buck. Whitey's old man was a degenerate horse gambler. He worked at the foot of Broadway at Frost's Lumberyard.He took the "O" bus back and forth to work during the week. On Sunday,his day off,he'd ride the "O" bus all the way down to the border,walk across to the Mexican side,and then hop a cab to the Caliente Off Track Betting that was on Revolution Street. He'd then proceed to blow most of his week's earnings on horses that were one stride away from the glue factory. He'd take the "O" bus back to the beach where he lived with his wife and three kids. When his wife would ask him for some money,he'd say he didn't have any money left. He had left the rent money at the book. . But the guy never took any blame for his discretions.
"Hell.I felt lucky,"he'd snort back.
If anyone complained, he'd take off his belt and there'd be hell to pay.
Whitey's mother,bless her heart,was a hard working woman who would often try to fend off her husband when he'd get his ire up. I don't remember seeing her much without a black eye or a swollen lip. She died before Whitey left school. She always told him there was no free lunch. You had to go to work to get what you want. Whitey couldn't wait to turn 16 so he could leave school and go find a job. There was one class Whitey did like though. It was one of those "electives" classes.Whitey liked working in the school cafeteria during the lunch period. I'd see him back in the kitchen preparing the lunches and cooking the meals. He was a different Whitey. He might not have known what a French horn was,but he could whip up an order of eggs over easy.ham.home fries on the side faster than you could sing The Marseillaise. His boss liked the way Whitey handled himself in the kitchen so he got him in contact with Phil Florentino who managed Leonardo's restaurant on India Street in Little Italy. Well,it was like rolling spaghetti on a fork. It wasn't long before Whitey was making everything on the menu.The joint could be packed to the doors and Whitey could handle the all the orders faster than you could sing "One Meatball."
Whitey's dad didn't last long after Whitey's mom passed on. From breathing all that sawdust at the lumberyard and rolling his own Bull Durhams he got lung cancer and died. But like him it wasn't his fault that he got sick.
"Hell. The doctors told me to stop smoking the Bull Durhams so I switched to Camels(the unfiltered kind)."
I never saw Whitey take any interest in gambling on anything,but after his dad died,he followed his footsteps--all the way to the Off Track Betting windows. Whitey liked to bet as bad as his old man. He liked the nags the best,but he'd bet on the football games and the fights when he got the urge.However, sometimes Whitey would get confused when he went to the "Selling Window." One morning we drove up to Del Mar to bet the Early Bird. (Whitey never liked waiting around for the races to start) .He looked a little worried in the car on the way back.
"Roger.I bet the daily double."
"So?"
"Well I want to know if I still win if I switched the numbers."
"What do you mean?"I asked.
"Well,I wanted to bet 5 and 10 and I said 10 and 5."
"Let me see your ticket."
I looked at Whitey's ticket.
"It says 10 and 5."
"Can I still win if 5 and 10 come in?"
"No.It has to be 10 and 5 in that order."
"But I thought..."
"You can only switch it if you had bet the Quinella.What are the odds on !0 and 5?"200 to 1,"he stammered.
"All I can say is I hope you get lucky."
"I won't lose any sleep on it,"he said."I only bet 5 dollars."
It's a good thing that Whitey didn't kick himself over that miscue. 10 and 5 came in and we went back to the track the next day to cash in .
There was the time at the book on Revolution Street and Whitey plays a 500 to 1 bet on a daily double.He bet another 5 spot.Would you believe it, his nags finished the way he bet them.He saw the results in the next morning's paper.
"I wasn't worried,"he gloated.
So we hauled down to TJ to collect.Whitey strolled up to the Cashier Window and before long I heard raised voices.I went over to investigate.
"That guy won't give me all my money,"complained Whitey.
"Why not?"
"He didn't say. I'm going to kill him."
"Now settle down.I'll talk to the guy."
Well the cashier points out this sign on the wall that the Off Track Betting pays out a maximum of 100 to 1. Not any amount higher.
I turned to Whitey who's standing right next to me listening all this.His face was all red and he looked like he was going to lose it.
"Whitey,"I said in a very clear and slow voice."He didn't rip you off. See the sign.It only pays out a maxim of 100 to 1."
Whitey ain't listening to what I had to say.
"That son of a bitch wants to cheat me out of my money!I'm going to get him!"
"Whitey,"I pled."We'll all go to jail.He's right. Calm down and listen to me."
It took sometime to finally make Whitey back off from killing the guy although he still wasn't convinced by the time we walked out. Whitey had a good chunk of dough,but he still thought he got swindled.
One night me and him were at the new Caliente book they had just opened where the old Jai Alai Palace used to be. The casino was real swank. Nice bar and restaurant.Looked like something you'd see in Vegas. We're betting the dog races from Arizona when I saw Whitey standing in front of the seller window. He walked back to where we were sitting with a betting slip in his hand.
"You know that Tyson fight is tomorrow,"he said.
"You mean you bet that?"
"Yeh,"he said smiling."I put 20 dollars on Tyson."
"He's fighting this Buster Douglas. This guy is a 42 to 1 underdog."
"That's why I bet Tyson,"he smirked. "He can't lose."
"Yeh,but you aint gonna' win nothing. For your 20 dollars you won't win a dollar."
"Is that all?"he sighed.
Let me see your ticket. I broke out in a laugh.
"You bet Douglas,"I said.
"No.I bet Tyson."
"Whitey, what did you say to the guy at the window?"
"I said that I didn't want Douglas."
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you."
I felt like Oliver Hardy speaking to Stan Laurel.
"Well ,I'm not going to lose any sleep over it,"he said.
"I don't know what it is with you,but I'd be tossing and turning."

Iron Mike Tyson